Anything is Wildly Possible
"I'm in love with possibility, and I'm learning how to harness the laws of the Universe to create my reality by adjusting my emotional state on a consistent basis. This is where our true power lies. This is where magic lives."
I’ve been pondering a lot of things lately, because that’s what I do best. I ponder. I’m a ponderer. I’m obsessed with humans and why we do what we do, and how we can better our lives and know ourselves at a deeper level. I am highly analytical and I love to gather multiple perspectives on issues and seek out my own personal truth within each one. My particular fascination right now is with the rise in popularity of Dr. Jordan B. Petersen, a Canadian clinical psychologist and the author of “12 Rules for Life.” The first time I watched one of his lectures I thought, “No thanks. Not for me.”
This led me to question my initial response and go back and watch again, this time without judgement. If you’re wondering, my initial response was, “He’s angry and arrogant. I don’t feel any warmth in what he is saying and his style is too academic for me.” While I can appreciate and value high intellect, and I do, I’m someone who needs to connect with another’s innate humanness first. I want to be able to relate to you as a real person, academic or not, otherwise it feel as if you’re just hiding behind your degrees and fancy words.
It turns out that there’s something rather appealing about the guy, and that is this: he speaks his truth with utter conviction, and I really really like that.
I know what you’re thinking - yes, Kelley, so did Hitler. Relax, this is different. I think. It doesn’t mean I have to agree with what he’s saying but I find it intriguing, because it made me question: how often do I not tell the truth so that others will like me? How often do I merrily go along with popular opinion without clearly defining what I really think, so that I don’t cause waves or stand out from the crowd or, worse, be shunned or persecuted by others? Probably more often that I’d care to admit - and it’s done very effortlessly and easily, mostly by just staying silent – silently agreeing with the loudest opinion in the room at the time.
This phenomenon surely contributes to how someone like Trump ends up in power – rather than be the odd one out in your family and community and face being shamed, humiliated and ostracized, it’s far safer to just go along with everybody else. Also, it means you don’t have to think for yourself and confront your truths which, let’s face it, are not actually that easy to access in the age of information.
I’m really not sure from moment to moment whether a thought was my own or something Kim said in the last episode of the Kardashians.
Can you imagine what would happen to you if mom, dad and your seven siblings are all waving their Republican flags in the air like they just don’t care and you have to come out to them and admit that you’re a Democrat? I’m making light of it, but just think about the consequences for a moment. As we know, most humans will do what’s safe and easy and comfortable because there are very real consequences for speaking out. Many years ago a new coaching client – a Muslim woman in her mid-thirties - arrived for her session at my gate looking slightly paranoid. She spent most of her session telling me that she was nervous that people in her community would find out that she was there (even though it turned out that she was a safe 30km distance from her suburb). The poor woman looked petrified. She went on to tell me that she just needed to speak to someone about how desperately unhappy she was, but she couldn’t tell anyone in her community as she would be judged.
Then she went on to say that she felt so guilty because every day when she went out to the shops she put the radio on. I waited for her to finish her story, but that was it.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Kelley, in my community we are forbidden from listening to music.”
“I’m sorry? You’re what…? I don’t think I heard you correctly?”
She might as well have said, “Kelley, I eat my own children for breakfast.”
I was stupefied. I was sickened to my stomach. A life without music? What hellish torture is this?
I was completely ignorant about these matters. There was only one thing I could do - kidnap her, hide her in my house for a month with the BEST sound system EVER and spend every waking moment listening to the best of Boney M on repeat. Relax. I’ll only play the Christmas album. No, really, this was very fucking serious and I needed to come up with a solution, that’s why she came to me. Perhaps together we could overthrow an entire religious system and make music great again. No? The truth is I was powerless to help her and we both knew it. My heart broke a lot that day. I’ve never ever forgotten our time together. She came back a few times but we both knew that this was her path to walk and her choice to make. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to shout: “Leave. Just leave.”
It’s so easy to judge from the outside, but none of us really know what that would have meant for her. I was new to coaching and I felt like a total failure – after all, wasn’t it up to me to help her find her freedom? She used to tell me that every day she would sit inside her bedroom and watch her children play from behind the burglar bars, and she didn’t know how to join in, she didn’t know how to have fun – no one had ever encouraged her to follow the joy in her heart or the song in her soul. It brought to mind something that Wayne Dyer always used to say:
“Don’t die with the music still in you.” I wish I could have told her that back then.
It’s so easy to become a prisoner of our own thinking, don’t you think? It’s too easy to look at Trump supporters or Muslim women or the guy next door than look at our own belief systems. I’m convinced that the most dangerous thing in the world is a belief system – especially one that has not yet been made conscious nor questioned and picked apart After all a belief is just a thought you think over and over again – if you say, “I’m fat, I’m fat, I’m fat” or “nobody loves me” or “money is evil” enough times you start to believe it and, more to the point, it makes you feel like shit.
There are so many unexamined beliefs that have snuck into the collective consciousness and it’s incredibly difficult to dissolve them, but dissolve them we must. It's reassuring to know that beliefs can be changed – we can change our minds - it really is just a matter of rewiring our brains and replacing our old thoughts with new ones over and over and over again. For example, if you wake up every morning, open your eyes and think, “Oh God, here we go again,” that’s your opportunity to catch yourself and shift the thought to one that makes you feel better and connect with your heart – in other words, feel the new thought into being.
This is the work we must all do if we are to have better lives, and to consistently prevent brainwashing. I think this is one way we can tackle racism and sexism and anything ending with an-ism: ask yourself if you really feel it to be true in your heart or whether this was something you inherited from the outside world. If so, tell it to politely F off out of your house, so that you can clean house (this will also go a veeeeeery looooong way in improving your mental health). We must become more conscious of our thoughts and our beliefs and whether it’s time for them to stay or go.
These days I far prefer to go with my intuitive 'knowing’ – I feel I can trust that far more than I can a belief that has entered my mind uninvited. I prefer to be guided by an intelligence that exists beyond my limited human mind. This is how we move beyond thought and land in the realm of truth. Remember, that what you think is what you create. To understand this I am begging you to follow neuroscientist Joe Dispenza’s work on rewiring the brain IMMEDIATELY – he’s the best thing since Einstein and my current obsession. Listening to one of Joe's lecture or meditations is as soothing as David Attenborough reading you a bedtime story.
My take-out after watching a few of Jordan’s videos is this (yes, I almost forgot to bring it back round to that): I don’t want to do distill my truth anymore. It makes me feel icky. It makes me feel inauthentic. It feels wrong and it feels cowardly. So here’s a little truth bomb that only came to me while writing this blog: The truth is that when that client came to me she was the perfect mirror of my own situation playing out in my life. I was extremely unhappy in my long-term relationship with a narcissistic man, but because of my childhood programming I felt powerless to leave. I, too, had no music in my life. I, too, felt trapped in my circumstances, unable to move. If anyone knew the truth of what was going on I bet they would have barked: “Leave, Kelley, just leave…”
It took another woman sitting across from me to challenge my beliefs and help to wake me up when she said, “Why are you selling yourself short with this man? Do you believe this is all you are worth?” Ouch. And yes, yes I did believe that was all I was worth, I just wasn’t yet conscious of the belief that had buried itself in my mind and decided to take up residence. It’s become a well-known fact (because Oprah said it) that we are what we believe.
This wretched pattern has played out in my life over and over and over again, which is exactly why I am hell determined to get to the source of human suffering - old programmes that perpetuate a type of mental slavery - and help us all to be free of this shit.
As I was making my plans to exit the relationship, I decided to do what I used to do quite effortlessly as a child - I begin to imagine a new future for myself. You see, my childhood didn’t only bring pain and suffering; it also brought me immense gifts such as joy, humour, playfulness, imagination, and a natural ability to dream and create because here’s what my inner child knows, not believes, beyond all else: that we can imagine our new life into being by imagining it, visualising it, believing it is possible and feeling as if it’s happening right here, right now.
We inherit so many of our beliefs from our parents, both positive and negative. Despite his many flaws and failings my father was a man who never failed to go after his dreams. He was someone I watched with huge admiration as he tried his hand at anything and everything. As a child I was not to know of the inner demons that fuelled his ambitions. Instead what his actions instilled in me was an outrageous belief that I can do anything I want to in this world. Without knowing it he programmed a belief into my brain that now encompasses my life philosophy – it feels so delicious to say it out loud as I remember it:
“Anything is Wildly Possible”
P.S. I left the guy, I owned my shit (it’s never just the other person’s fault, ever), I faced my inner demons and I continue to do the inner work every day to clear out the old beliefs and change my emotional state. I am an eternal student of life and a lover of the Universe and its mysterious workings. My quest is not to be perfect but to know my inner world so that I can eventually master my emotions and be free from the fear-based paradigm that attempts to control our every thought and action. I don’t even care how grandiose that sounds because that’s my truth.